Title: "Leyla & The Search For Mulder"
Dates: May 1, 2003
Distribution: We Shall Not Forget and XFMU. Anyone else, please ask.
Category: humor, DSR
Timeline: during the events of "Within/Without"
Disclaimer: If you recognize it, I don't own it. All
X-Files characters belong to Chris Carter, Ten-
Productions and 20th Century FOX
Summary: Agent Leyla Harrison panics.
INT. DEPUTY DIRECTOR ALVIN KERSH'S OUTER OFFICE – DAY
Agent John Doggett steps out of the Deputy Director's
office and passes a young blond female agent who has
entered the office. As he passes her, she sneers
at him in a very immature way.
Agent Leyla Harrison goes up to Kersh's sectary,
"I need to speak with the Deputy Director please."
Agent Harrison demands.
"Let me see if he's busy. What's your name?" Judy
asks of Agent Harrison.
"Special Agent Leyla Harrison." Harrison answers.
Judy gives her a questioning look, she hasn't heard
of an Agent Harrison before. She hits the intercom
"Sir, do you have time to speak with an Agent Leyla
Harrison?" Judy asks.
"Agent Harrison? Never heard of her." Kersh replied
through the intercom. "Not right now. I'm busy moving
things into my new office."
"Yes sir." Judy says into the intercom, then looks up
at Agent Leyla Harrison. "I'm sorry Agent Harrison,
Deputy Director is busy."
"Don't give me that!" Harrison yells. "I need to
speak with him. It's of grave importance!"
Judy just looks at Harrison, she's not buying it.
"I'm sorry Agent Harrison, you'll have to come at
another time." Judy tells her.
Harrison gives out an impatient sigh and looks at
Kersh's closed office door, then at Judy, and back at
closed office door. Judy is busy looking
something up on her computer when Agent Harrison
quickly darts into Kersh's
INT. KERSH'S OFFICE
Harrison runs in, slamming the door behind her,
alerting both Judy and Kersh. Harrison locks the
door. Judy can
be heard trying the lock.
Harrison turns around to face Deputy Director Alvin
Kersh. He does not look happy with her.
you can not have Agent Doggett lead the
investigation to find Agent Mulder." Harrison tells
"He's a great Agent." Kersh gives her a look. "And
I'm sure the same can't be said about you."
"You are so mean!" She yells at him.
Kersh doesn't know how to talk to someone who is this
"Agent Harrison, right?" Kersh asks.
"Ok. Agent Harrison, I'm going to ask you to leave my
office now." Kersh says. "I do not have
whatever you find important."
"Leave." Kersh says.
Leyla stands there with her lower lip pouting out.
Kersh gives her a look, and she leaves, very upset.
INT. FBI HALLWAY
Agent Harrison is making her way down the hallway,
towards the waiting area where the investigation for
is being held. To her happy surprise, she sees
Agent Dana Scully throwing a cup of water on to Agent
Agent Scully leaves the room, leaving Agent Doggett
wet. Harrison happily comes up to Agent Scully.
"Agent Scully, I'm so happy you don't like that task
force leader too. He's a threat to you and Agent
Scully looks at her.
"What the hell are you talking about?" Scully asks
her. "I don't not like Agent Doggett."
"But… yes you do. I saw you throw water on him."
"Yeah, wouldn't you?" Scully asks. "He's hot, I had
to cool him off somehow. I couldn't control myself. I
seeing visions of him wet, and I didn't want to
just leave it as visions. I wanted to see him wet.
There is just something
about that man and water…"
Scully says with a sigh as she looks back into the
room where Agent Doggett is.
Harrison stares at her blankly. She can't believe
what she just heard.
"What do you see in that pointy-eared guy?" Harrison
Scully looks back over at her.
"What do you *not* see?" Scully says, her attention
going back to Doggett. "I mean, just look at him. The
he sits… his broad shoulders, his posture, the
way he holds that case file… such a man."
gets a goofy grin on her face.
"But what about Mulder?!" Harrison asks, getting
frustrated that Scully is falling for this guy.
"Ah, Mulder schmulder." Scully simply replies, not
taking her eyes off of Doggett.
Harrison can't take it any longer and runs away.
INT. LEYLA HARRISON'S BEDROOM – THAT NIGHT
Harrison is curled up on her couch, with a blanket
around her. She's watching a video tape with a tissue
in one hand, and a photo-manipulation of Mulder
and Scully in a heart-shaped frame in the other.
"See, you're carrying Mulder's child Scully."
Harrison says, speaking to her TV set. "You guys had
night together, and it was a miracle. Why
are you falling for Agent Doggett? It just can't be."
She brings a tissue to her eyes and cleans away her
tears, then blows her nose.
"I know what I'll do. I'll go over to her apartment
and have a little talk with her. I'll fix her then."
says with a smile on her face.
INT. SCULLY'S APARTMENT – LATER THAT NIGHT
Scully is sitting at her computer, looking up
information about this new hot Agent Doggett.
"Hmm… name: John. Cute picture." Scully says,
admiring his biography. "Oohh… U.S. Marine Corps…"
Scully gets a pondering look on her face.
"Military men…" Scully says to herself. "I wonder
he's as good as Walter…"
Scully is interrupted by a knock at her door. She
looks over at the door irritated. She gets up to
"Oh god." Scully says with an irritated tone as she
puts her hand to her forehead as if she got a sudden
"Agent Scully, we need to talk." Leyla Harrison says,
and steps past Scully and enters her apartment.
are you, and why are you here." Scully asks
irritated. "I didn't invite you in. I'm busy."
Harrison looks at Scully's computer.
"What are you looking at on your computer?" Harrison
"It's nothing. Just getting to know the new task
force leader." Scully says. "Can you leave?"
Harrison says. "What about Agent Mulder?"
"They're lookin' for him." Scully says, not really
caring. "I'm sure he's fine. Walter said he was taken
alien space craft. Knowing him, he's probably
found Samantha and having fun pushing buttons he's
not suppose to."
"It's because of this new guy." Harrison says. "I
don't get it Agent Scully. You are going to be having
"What?" Scully says, not knowing what she's talking
"Yes, I know Agent Scully. You and Mulder had one
lonely night together." Harrison says.
"Yeah, playing Monopoly." Scully says, offended that
Harrison would think that she and Mulder had sex
"I know you are just covering up because you don't
want that new guy to know about your pregnancy and
you are in love with Agent Mulder." Harrison
assures her. "But I know, oh yes Agent Scully, I
Harrison smiles at her.
"You don't know anything." Scully says, getting very
irritated. "I slept with the Cancer Man!"
Harrison goes pale at these words.
"I did. I shagged him rotten!" Scully says. "How else
do you think I'm actually pregnant? Hello! I can't
children, and now I'm pregnant. The Smoking Man
has power, and I'm not just talkin' about the power
to help me conceive
a child if you know what I mean."
Scully has a smirk on her face. Harrison doesn't know
what to say.
"But… but…" Harrison
"Now, if you don't mind leaving, I would like to get
back to see the marital status on this Agent John
Scully says, pushing Leyla Harrison out of
her apartment, making sure to lock the door
Scully goes over to her window to make sure Harrison
has left. But she sees someone watching her from
her apartment. Scully thinks to herself, then
picks up her phone and dials.
"John Doggett." Says Doggett
over the phone.'
"Why are you spying on me?" Scully says accusingly.
"What?" Doggett asks. "I'm not spyin' on you."
"I know, I just wanted to hear your sexy deep rough
voice." Scully says.
"Pardon me, Agent Scully?" Doggett says, not sure
that he heard her right.
"I said, I just wanted to
hear your sexy deep rough
voice." Scully repeats herself.
It's quiet on the other end for a beat.
"Agent Doggett?" Scully says.
"I'm still here." Doggett says.
"Are you alone?" Scully asks.
"Yeah, why?" Doggett answers.
"Oh, I was just wondering what you're wearin'…"
Scully says in a sly tone.
Off her sly smile…
INT. DEPUTY DIRECTOR ALVIN KERSH'S OUTER OFFICE –
Agent Leyla Harrison sits impatiently on the couch in
the waiting area outside of Kersh's office. Judy
at Harrison irritated, but is assured that
she's not as irritated as Alvin Kersh is about to be.
Kersh's office door opens.
"Agent Leyla Harrison," Kersh says with pain in his
voice. "I can see you now."
He goes into his office and Leyla follows.
"Have a seat." Kersh says, signaling to the seat in
front of his desk.
Harrison sits down.
"What do you want, Agent Harrison?" Kersh asks.
"I'm here to express my concern about Agent Scully."
"Yes, it seems she's falling in love with Agent
Doggett." Harrison continues. "Now, you and I both
Agent Scully is in love with Agent Mulder."
Kersh looks confused, where did she get that?
"Hmmm… She's falling in love with Agent Doggett?"
"Yes." Harrison replies.
"Ok, I'll see what I can do for you." Kersh says.
"You're dismissed if that's all you came here for."
"One more thing actually." Harrison says.
Kersh lets out an impatient sigh.
"What's that?" Kersh asks.
"Have we found Agent Mulder yet?" Harrison asks.
"No." Kersh replies.
Leyla Harrison looks deeply saddened.
"Ok, I guess I'll have to continue to cry myself to
until he's found." Harrison says.
Kersh doesn't know what to think of this.
"Whatever, you can leave now." Kersh says.
TIME CUT TO:
INT. HOSPITAL – A FEW DAYS LATER
Agent Doggett steps out of Scully's hospital room and
sees Agent Harrison.
"How is she?" Harrison asks.
"Are you family?" Doggett asks.
"No, just a fellow Special Agent." Harrison says.
"She's fine." Doggett answers.
"It's so sad, she was so close to finding Agent
Mulder." Harrison says. "Now she'll be all alone in
Harrison lets out a sigh.
"I wonder if I could ask Deputy Director Kersh for a
transfer onto the x-files." Harrison says with
in her eyes.
"Actually, I've been assigned to help out with the x-
files." Doggett says.
Harrison's eyes go wide and she begins to scream…
DISSOLVE CUT TO:
INT. KERSH'S OFFICE
Harrison's scream continues.
"Agent Harrison! Shut up!" Kersh says, with
irritation in his voice.
"You said you were going to make sure that Agent
Scully would realize her love for Agent Mulder! How
assign that new guy to the x-files!"
Harrison yells at Kersh.
"I never said that." Kersh says calmly. "I said I
would take care of things. I did. Agent Scully and
are partners now."
"NO-OOOOOOOOO!!" Harrison screams.
Kersh gives her a look, then pulls out his handgun
from his desk drawer and shoots her into silence.
Until next time…