Title: “Leyla’s Unexpected Babysitting Job” Author: Kristi Feedback: Yes please! (kristi@caffeine-sleep.com) Website: http://teso-x.caffeine-sleep.com/ Archive: Addicted To Doggett, my sites! Anyone else, please ask. Rating: PG (for death) Spoilers: None Category: crossover with “Malcolm In The Middle” Summary: While on a case with Agents Mulder and Scully, Agent Harrison gets an unexpected babysitting job. Disclaimer: I do not own Agent Leyla Harrison. She belongs to Frank Spotnitz. I do not own Mulder and Scully, they belong to Chris Carter, Ten-Thirteen Productions and 20th Century FOX broadcasting. I do not own Lois, Hal, Reese, Malcolm, Dewey, or “Malcolm In The Middle”. They all belong to Linwood Boomer and 20th Century FOX broadcasting. Date: December 11, 2002 Author’s Note: Well, after finally finishing season 1 of “Malcolm In The Middle” on DVD, I was a little bit inspired… this is what would happen if Agent Leyla Harrison met Dewey. FADE IN: The drive has been very long. Why did they have to come out to investigate another alien abduction. Scully often wondered this as she sat in the front seat of the rental car. Her partner, Fox Mulder was behind the wheel, and behind both of the agents was the annoying Agent Leyla Harrison. “You know agents Mulder and Scully?” Leyla began to ask. “What?” asked Agent Scully, irritation boiling out of her mouth. “This is just amazing. Never in my life would I have ever imagined I’d be working an x-file with the best agents in the bureau.” Agent Harrison babbled on. Mulder and Scully share a glance, irritated beyond belief with Agent Harrison. Why in the world would Deputy Director Kersh assign her to this case with them. In the back, agent Harrison let out a sigh. “What was that for?” Mulder asked. “Oh, just the way you and Agent Scully shared that beautiful glance.” Harrison answered. Mulder cringes. “Excuse me?” Agent Mulder asked. “Oh, you don’t have to hide it from me.” Agent Harrison continued. “I know how you two feel about each other.” “And just the other day she was saying the same thing about Doggett and Reyes.” Scully said to Mulder under her breath. Mulder gives her a questioning look. “What’s wrong with her?” Mulder asked, continuing the conversation under his breath. “Who knows.” Scully answers. In the back, Agent Leyla Harrison stares at Mulder and Scully. She is in awe of their conversation… at least what she hears of it… “Oh agent Mulder, I love you.” Said Scully… “Call me Fox, Dana.” Mulder said back to Scully. “Oh Fox.” Scully said. Agent Harrison sat their with a distant stare as she continues to imagine what Mulder and Scully are talking about. Back to reality, Mulder and Scully have stopped the car and are looking at Agent Harrison. She hasn’t noticed. “Seriously Scully, what is your medical opinion of this? She’s drooling.” Mulder asks. “Mulder, I don’t know. She has some issue, I’m sure she’ll be fine.” Scully answered. “As a scientist, you can honestly say ‘she’ll be fine’?” “Well… no… I don’t know. She has an issue.” Scully says, then pauses a beat as a thought entered her head. “I wonder how she even got into the bureau.” “Me too.” Said agent Mulder. “Should we just leave her here in the car while we investigate?” Scully shrugs her shoulders. She doesn’t know. “Why not? It’s not like she’ll notice. “Mulder says. “Ok. That’s fine with me.” Scully says. As the agents walk up to the house to question the witnesses to this alien abduction, Agent Harrison gets out of the car. She’s almost in a trance-like state. She slowly makes her way down the sidewalk and up to a house. She rings the door bell. A woman answers the door. This woman should remind us a whole hell of a lot like Lois from “Malcolm In The Middle”… wait a second, it is Lois from “Malcolm In The Middle”! The sound of three young boys (Reese, Malcolm, and Dewey) screaming and fighting is heard from somewhere in the house. “SHUT UP!” Lois yells back at her kids. The noise continues. “What do you want?” Lois snaps at Agent Harrison. “Hal?! Is this the babysitter you called?” She drags Harrison into the house. Agent Leyla Harrison has no idea what is going on, she’s still in her own head. Once we are in the house, we see the boys in the living room making a huge mess. Malcolm and Reese are wrestling on the floor in front of the TV, and Dewey is running around them, a candy bar in his hand. Hal comes into view to greet Agent Harrison. “Hi, I guess you’re Stacey?” Hal asks. Leyla looks at him blankly. “Don’t worry, Stacey, they do this all the time. I’m sure after we leave they’ll behave.” Hal assures her. “And if not, here are all the emergency numbers.” He hands her a piece of paper with numbers on it. He goes over the numbers with her. “911, the fire department, animal control, lock smith, poison control, the FBI. Don’t bother calling any of the neighbors, they won’t help at all. And this is the number to where we will be at.” “Reese! Put Dewey down!” Lois yells somewhere else in the house. There is a loud crash noise. Hal stands there not sure what to think about what’s going on. “Why don’t you have a seat right here, and we’ll get them settled down.” Hal says as he leads Agent Harrison to the couch. She sits down. Lois enters the living room with Reese, Malcolm, and Dewey. Dewey is holding his head. “This is Reese, Malcolm, and Dewey.” Lois says to Leyla. Dewey waves to Agent Harrison. She doesn’t say anything, she’s still in a trance. “Ok then.” Lois says. “We’re taking off.” She looks sternly at the boys. “If I get a bad report, there will be no more TV for the rest of the year.” Lois threatens. The boys stand there, they’ve heard this before. Hal on the other hand is the one who gets fearful. Hal and Lois leave the boys with Leyla. Leyla sits there on the couch not moving, blinking, etc. The three boys stand in the middle of the room looking at her. “So…” says Malcolm. “How did they find you?” No answer from Leyla. “Maybe she’s a mute.” Reese says. “Maybe she wants a cracker.” Dewey suggests. Leyla continues to sit there. Meanwhile, Mulder and Scully are leaving the house. “Thanks for not making fun of us.” Calls a lady from the front porch. Mulder waves back at her. Scully gives him a look. “What?” Mulder asks. “What do you mean ‘what’?” Scully says back. “You don’t believe her?” “No I don’t.” Scully says, knowing Mulder knew that. “And why not?” Mulder interrogates. “Mulder, didn’t you see all the alien, UFO, space books she had on her shelves. Not to mention all of her videos were about aliens, UFOs and government conspiracies. She’s believes she was abducted because she watches it all the time. It didn’t happen.” Scully says. “Is that your scientific opinion?” “Yes, it is.” “Well you’re wrong.” “You’re too desperate to believe that you’ll believe anything.” Scully says back. “Then confirm this for me: Agent Harrison isn’t where we left her.” Mulder says as he stares at the car. Scully looks over to where he is looking. Sure enough, she’s gone. “Yes, she’s gone.” Scully says, confirming what Mulder sees. Mulder smiles. “Do you think if we told Kersh she was abducted by aliens he’d believe it?” Mulder asks. Scully gives him a doubtful look. “We should go look for her.” Scully says. “That’s a waste of the bureau’s time and money.” Mulder says. “And since when do you care about the bureau’s time and money?” Scully asks. “Since I don’t want to find Agent Harrison.” Mulder states. “Do you know how annoying it is to be gawked at by that agent?” “Yeah well, at least she isn’t trying to copy your style of clothing or hair.” Scully says. They get back in the car. “Which way do you think she went?” Scully asks. “I was serious about not wanting to find her.” Mulder states. Scully gives him a look. Meanwhile, Agent Harrison still sits on the couch. Dewey has turned on the cartoon network. Reese and Malcolm are no where to be seen, however they can be heard. Once again they are fighting, but this time in the back yard. On the table in front of the couch is a big pile of candy wrappers and candy bars. Dewey is eating all of them. He keeps looking back at Agent Harrison. “Candy bar?” Dewey asks her, holding out a candy bar to her. No response. Dewey shrugs and unwraps the candy bar for himself. He begins to eat it. Leyla starts to make a noise. “Buh… buh…” Harrison says. Dewey looks over to her. Curiosity written all over his face. “What?” Dewey asks. “Buh…” Harrison says. “You want me to get a knife?” Dewey asks. Dewey shrugs his shoulders. He doesn’t know what to think of her. He goes into the kitchen and gets a knife. He comes back out and gives it to her. She slowly takes it. Dewey stands back. A possessed look is in Agent Harrison’s eyes. “Uhh…” Dewey says, fear rising in his voice as he backs away from her. Leyla raises the knife in the air. Dewey’s eyes go wide. Then, she continues to bring the knife down in a fast motion. It sinks into her body. Dewey starts to scream his head off. Leyla continuously starts to stab herself in the gut until she falls silent to the floor. Dewey continues to scream. Outside the house, Mulder and Scully are driving by. They hear Dewey screaming. They quickly pull up the drive way and get out. Inside the house, Leyla’s blood is all over the place. Dewey continues to scream. In the backyard, Reese and Malcolm continue to fight, not knowing what the hell is going on. Suddenly, the front door flies open and Mulder and Scully run in to see what is going on. Dewey continues to scream. He stops screaming when he sees Agents Mulder and Scully enter the house. A smile forms across Mulder and Scully’s faces as they see Agent Leyla Harrison laying on the floor… blood oozing out of her. She is finally dead. FADE OUT: THE END.