Title: “A Trick For Your Bowl of Suckers” Author: Kristi Feedback: If you really think it deserves it (kristi@caffeine-sleep.com) Archive: Addicted To Doggett, my sites! Anyone else, please ask. Rating: PG-13 or R to be safe… Krycek doesn’t have the cleanest of mouths. Website: http://teso-x.caffeine-sleep.com/ Spoilers: None Category: stupid, Mulder/Krycek friendship (sort of…), Pre-x.files for Doggett Summary: All goes to hell when Mulder and Krycek are out trick or treating and Krycek doesn’t get any candy. Disclaimer: I don’t own Mulder, Krycek, or Doggett. If I did, they would behave and go to sleep when I ask them. As far as I know, they own themselves… Chris Carter who? Date: October 30, 2002 Author’s Note: This story is inspired by a conversation in my criminology class. FADE IN: EXT. STREET - OCTOBER 31, 1992 The chilled October night air blew dead leaves across the street, and to the feet of Fox Mulder and Alex Krycek. An odd sight it is to see Mulder and Krycek dressed up as two halves of a cow for Halloween. “Why do I have to be the ass?” Krycek asked Mulder. “Oh Alex, please don’t use such horrible language on such a wonderful holiday.” Mulder replied, not answering his question, for Mulder certainly didn’t want to be the behind of a cow in front of many children. That would just bring up too many bad childhood memories. Mulder put the head of the cow over his own head. Krycek, forced to tag along, follows close behind Mulder, too close for Krycek’s comfort. They approach a house. “Ok, Alex, we’re at the first house. Remember what to say.” Mulder told Krycek. “Yeah, I know what to say. ‘Give me all your candy or I’m blowing your fu-“ “ALEX!” Mulder yelled. “What?” “You don’t want to blow their heads off. Don’t you remember what happened a few minutes ago when you said that at the last house?” Mulder informed Krycek. “Yeah, yeah, I know. They pulled a shot gun on us and we ran for the hills.” “Ok, so we say: ‘trick or treat’. Nothing more.” Mulder looks him sternly in the eyes. “Got that?” “Yeah, yeah.” Krycek said, with a roll of his eyes. Mulder knocks on the door. “Get ready.” Mulder says over his shoulder. The door to the house opens, and John Doggett stands there with a bowl of candy. “Trick or treat?!” Mulder says happily. Doggett gives him a sucker. “Thank you, sir.” Mulder says. Doggett shuts the door. Mulder starts to walk off. Krycek however stops him. “Whoa, wait a minute.” Krycek says. “What?” “I didn’t get any candy.” “That’s ok, I’ll share.” Mulder assures him. “You’re going to share a sucker?” Krycek says in a deadpanned tone. “Yeah.” “Ok, that’s it. I’ve had enough of this crap!” Krycek says, his tone getting angry as he continues. “I’m going in there, and I’m gonna get my treat dammit!” He goes off, leaving Mulder with just the upper part of the cow costume. “Alex!” Mulder yells after him. Krycek storms up the porch stairs of Doggett’s house, bangs on the door. Doggett slowly opens the door with a bowl of suckers in his hands. “Ok punk! Where’s my candy?” Krycek says in a rude tone. “You didn’t say trick or treat.” Doggett says. “Ok… as far as I see it, you didn’t give me my treat. I guess I’m gonna have to do a little ‘trick’, huh?” Krycek says. Doggett stares back at him blankly. “Ok, fine. You asked for it!” Krycek pulls out his .45 and aims it at Doggett. “Alex don’t!” Mulder yells from the sidewalk. Doggett drops his bowl of suckers. Krycek pushes his way into Doggett's house. Mulder quickly runs in behind him, hoping to stop anything stupid Krycek is about to do. Inside the house, Krycek pushes Doggett into a reclining chair. Krycek continues to aim his gun at Doggett’s head. “Alex, this isn’t a very smart thing to do.” Mulder informs Krycek once again. “Whatever you want from me, just take it and leave.” Doggett says, pleading for his life. “It’s not that simple.” Krycek says. Mulder leans over to Krycek. “Yes it is, man.” Mulder says. “You wanted a sucker, now take it and walk away. Just walk away Krycek.” “Shut it.” Krycek says, not taking his eye off of Doggett. “I don’t want any trouble.” Doggett says. “Then shut up and hear me out!” Krycek says. He waits a beat to make sure Doggett doesn’t say anything else. “You see, it would’ve been simple for you to just give me a damn sucker. But no- ooooooo… you have to get an attitude. Be difficult. Now, you will pay for your crime.” “He hasn’t committed any crime, Alex.” Mulder says. Krycek takes his gun off Doggett. “Yes he has, he didn’t give me a sucker in the first place.” “That is so stupid.” Mulder says. “No it isn’t. It’s logical. I’ve grown up this way. Every Halloween, I’d go trick or treating with my father and this is what we did.” Krycek explains. “We’d go from house to house holding up the place until they gave us all their candy. Other people do the same thing, only they say ‘trick or treat’ to hide the fact that they are holding them up.” “What?” Mulder says, not understanding what the heck Krycek is talking about. “Trick or treat is just like saying ‘give me all your money or I’ll blow your fuckin’ head off’, comprende?” Mulder shakes his head ‘no’. “Ok, so it goes like this. Little Jimmy goes up to a house and says ‘trick or treat’, right?” Krycek explains. “Ok.” Mulder says. “In a few years when Little Jimmy gets to be Bigger Jimmy he approaches a woman by her car, pulls out a gun and says ‘give me all your money or I’ll kill you’, following?” Krycek says. “Sure.” Mulder shrugs. “Well, to Bigger Jimmy, the woman’s money is his treat, and if this woman doesn’t do what he wants, doesn’t give him his treat, she dies. That’s the trick on her. Get it?” “Sure. But I still don’t see why you have to have this guy at gun point just to get a little sucker.” Krycek aims the gun back at Doggett. “Because,” Krycek starts. “It’s the principle of the thing. I know I can go over there and grab as many suckers as I want. But it’s gone too far already.” “Because of you!” Mulder says. “No, because this punk here didn’t give me my sucker.” “This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen you do.” Mulder says. “What if someone saw you pull your gun and called 911?” “No one saw me, and no one called 911.” He looks over at the man “And no one will call 911, understood?” He stares the man down. Doggett only nods his head ‘yes’. He’s scared shitless, and he should be. Alex Krycek flipping out over a little sucker, imagine what would happen in a serious situation. Several hours later, and no suckers in Krycek’s hands… The door bell to Doggett's house rings. “Don’t they get it, we’re not answering the damn door!” Krycek is getting irritated. “That’s the fifteenth time someone has come to the door.” “Maybe because you have all the lights on in the house.” Mulder says. “They see the lights, therefore think someone is home to give out candy.” “Well, they should know better.” Krycek says. “Well maybe, just maybe you should stop blaming others for your problems.” Mulder says. “You are just upset because you didn’t remember to turn the lights out so no one can see inside the house.” Krycek glares. “Just think,” Mulder continues “anyone of those fifteen people who have come to the door, could’ve looked inside, saw Mr. Doe here all tied up and gagged, saw you with your gun and could’ve called the cops.” “I told you, no one called the cops. I’m sure of it.” Krycek reassures himself. “Keep telling yourself that.” Mulder says. Mulder takes a seat next to the man. He doesn’t approve of Krycek’s behavior, but there’s nothing he can do at this moment. If only I would’ve stayed out on the sidewalk. Mulder thought to himself. I would’ve been able to call 911 myself, and we never would’ve had to go through this. We’d be home by now. Oh, I’d do anything to turn back time… (starts to sing) If I could turn back time… I like Cher… It would be so fun to see her in concert one day- “Shut up, Mulder.” Krycek interrupts Mulder’s thought process. “What? I didn’t say anything.” Mulder says in defense. “Yeah well, I know you were thinking.” “How?” “When ever you think, you make a stupid face.” Krycek answers. “No I don’t.” “Yes you do. “No I don’t.” “Yes you do. “No I don’t.” “Yes you do.” Mulder stops this silly argument. “What kind of face do I make?” Mulder asks. “This kind of stupid face.” Krycek makes the face that Mulder was making when he was thinking. “I do not make that face!” Mulder shouts. “Yes you do.” “No I don’t.” “Yes you do.” “No I don’t.” “Yes you do!” “No I don’t!” “Yes you do!” “No I-“ “Yes you do, for cryin’ out loud!” Doggett yells at Mulder from the couch. Krycek looks over at Doggett. “How did you get un-gagged?” Krycek asks. Doggett just shrugs. Maybe it was his will to make them shut the hell up. A knock at the door interrupts once again. “That’s it! I can’t take this anymore!” Krycek yells. He makes his way to the door. “If I hear another damn doorbell ring, I’m gonna kill somebody!” Krycek opens the door, still pissed. “Ok, you! I’ve had it up to-“ Krycek stops speaking immediately. “Oh, hi Mr. Officers…” “Yeah, this is the guy they said they saw.” The first officer says to his partner. “Look, fellas… let’s negotiate… “ Krycek says. “Sir, you’re coming with us.” Says the first officer. The second officer comes up the Krycek takes his gun, and cuff him. “Hey wait! I didn’t do this alone! There’s a guy in there wearing the other half of this cow suit! He made me do it!” Krycek yells as they put him in the back of the car. Several hours later… Halloween is almost over. Krycek sits on a bed in a cell… and low and behold, next to him is his partner in crime, Fox Mulder. “This is not what I wanted to do for Halloween, Alex.” Mulder says with disappointment in his voice. “Yeah, and I didn’t even get a sucker.” Krycek says. “Do you think if we called Skinner that he’d come bail us out?” Mulder asks. “I doubt it.” “This is all your fault Alex.” Mulder says. “It is not.” Krycek says. “It is to.” “Is not.” “Is to.” “Is not.” “Is to.” “Is not.” “Is to!” “Is not!” Off of their bickering, we… FADE OUT: THE END.