Disclaimer: Carter only wishes he could come up with this sh-tuff.

Beta: Didn't use one, didn't want to this time around.

Summary: An average lunch break in the X-Files office. Takes place
right before the time Mulder was returned in season 8 of The X-Files.

Author note: I like to pretend that Scully wasn't pregnant during
season 8 so no pregnant Scully here.

Dedication: To my good ol' Noromo buddies with a twisted sense of
humor. Kryceksfox, Sue, and Kristi who have considered a romance
between CSM and Scully. Also because I know just how much the
shippers like to see any mention of Scully and Mulder's first time
having sex together, I dedicate this to the rabid/Doggett-hating
shippers. So nyargh!

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The office lights were dimmed and the chilling February air blew into
the office through the open window. The Cigarette-Smoking Man stands
with his back to the office door. He stares at Mulder's "I Want To
Believe" poster that hangs on the wall as he sucks on his cancer
stick. The door opens behind him with a sultry creek.

"I've been waiting for you CGB." Says Scully with a seductively lusty
tone.

The Smoking Man turns to face her, a smirk on his face.

"I've been waiting for you too, Dana."

He puts his cigarette out and goes to Scully, taking her in his arms.
She lets her head fall back slowly, exposing her neck. The Smoking
Man dips his head down and kisses her bare flesh gently. Scully moans
her approval. She hasn't been this turned on since the day Doggett
saved her from the slug cult. Just feeling that man's strong hands
release her wrists from the restraints that held her down on
that bed was enough to make her hot. Thinking of that moment now,
with the Smoking Man kissing her neck is bound to make her even
hotter.

"CGB... the desk..." She pants into his ear, her arousal for him growing
with each passing second.

The Smoking Man lets his hands caress the side of her body, sending
sexual chills all through her body. He steps away from her and goes
to Doggett's desk and swipes all the contents from the top. He sits
on the edge of the desk, a satisfied expression on his face. Scully
can't believe what he's done. It's what she's always wanted to do,
only it would have been Doggett sitting there on the edge of the
desk, not Mr. CGB Spender.

"Oh baby!" She exclaims. "You know what I like."

"Do I?"

"Oh yes..."

Scully walks over to him and pushes him down on the desk top, she
crawls on top of him. She uses her fingers to quickly unbutton his
shirt. She ruffles her hands through his chest hair. In no time she'd
have this sugar daddy sweating to the oldies. Once his shirt is
removed, she kisses his dry, cigarette tasting lips. She then licks
his neck... his chest. Her hands fumble with the zipper of his
pants. She feels his hard erection begging her to get with it.

Just then the office door opens and John Doggett enters the room. He
doesn't see the ruckus happening on top of his desk... not at first at
least. He stands with his back to Scully and the Smoking Man. Scully
looks at the man between her legs and then she glances at her
partner. A mischievous sparkle in her eye.

"Agent Doggett?" She says in the most normal tone as possible. "Could
you help me remove this please?"

"Sure agent Scully." He turns around, not quite noticing what's going
on yet. "What do you need removed?"

He freezes in place when he sees his redheaded partner straddled on
top of a man much older than she.

"This jacket I'm wearing is so constricting."

"Umm."

The Smoking Man lifts his head slightly and smirks at Doggett.

"Come on young laddie, or don't you know how to please a woman?" The
Smoking Man smiles at Doggett.

Doggett doesn't move. He doesn't know what to do about the situation.
Here's his partner, a woman he thought had a sense of dignity, and
she's about to have sex with an older man on *his* desk.

Scully shakes her head at her partner's inability to move. She gets
off of the Smoking Man and walks toward Doggett, a cutesy-pootsie
look on her face. She stands incredibly close to him, and takes hold
of his suit jacket, removing it.

"Don't look so surprised, John. I just happen to like men with
authority, power, and a way with women. I'm sure you'll have no
problem fitting into this situation once you get past the fact that
you know you want me, you know you want me right here and now, and I
know because..." She presses her body up against his. "I can feel your
desire for me now. It's as hard as oak wood."

Doggett swallows hard, Scully hears him gulp. She goes up on her toes
and licks his neck.

"Agent Scully, I..."

"Please, call me Dana."

She kisses his mouth, slipping and dipping her tongue into his,
playing with his tongue until he can no longer restrain himself
against her seduction. He pulls her closer to him, then she takes his
hand in hers and leads it to the front of her white blouse. He takes
the hint and undoes her shirt, just as she wanted him to. The Smoking
Man comes up behind her, and removes her jacket slowly, seductively,
horny-like. Scully lets out a soft moan as she feels both the
Smoking Man's hands and Doggett's hands grasp onto her heaving chest.
The Smoking Man takes the lead and pulls them back to Doggett's desk.

Doggett is so caught up in his attraction to Scully that he really
doesn't care if this is how his first time with her is going to be.
However, having said that, the next time he is going to have to have
a very serious conversation with her about others participating in
their sexual acts.

Within the next few minutes, both men penetrate into her body from
the front and back. It was almost too much for an innocent Catholic
girl to take. What would mommy think? If she were any younger, she
would have sent her to a convent, but no sir, that wouldn't have
stopped her. Not even the strict nuns could keep her away from sexual
pleasure. Both men must have been too caught up in their own pleasure
because they both orgasm at the same time. Hmm...
Scully thinks that perhaps men have some kind of sexual timer that
has them go off after a certain amount of time. In the case of John
Doggett and Mr. CGB Spender, that time was four minutes exact.

"Keep it up boys." Scully hissed at the two men once they started to
die off, about to leave her unsatisfied. "Brad Follmer is a better
fucker than either one of you right now. At least he could keep it up
for over six minutes!"

Doggett looks up into Scully's eyes with horror. She's slept with the
Assistant Director too?! Well, he does have a reputation of sleeping
with agents inferior to him. He keeps pushing into her, wanting to
give her a good experience.

"C'mon Spender! You don't want the sex talent of your son to exceed
your talents, do you?!"

"Like father, like son, Dana?" The Smoking Man asks as he
exhaustingly continues to grope, lick, and thrust against her body.

"Ah! Fuck! Hell no! Mulder couldn't keep it up for any longer than a
minute!" The thought of her one time with Mulder almost ruins the
pleasure she is receiving from both Doggett and Mr. CGB
Spender. "Just shut the hell... oh God!" Scully screams as loud as she
possibly can as she orgasms.

Upstairs in Brad Follmer's office, he stops what he is doing on his
computer and contemplates what the scream is that he hears echoing
through the air vent in the office.

In the Director's conference room, Kersh pauses mid-sentence,
wondering what all the screaming is about.

In the hallway on the first floor of the Hoover building, Monica
Reyes stops and rubs her ear. Did she just hear someone scream?

Outside high above Washington D.C. a man flying in a helicopter
rechecks his headset. He swears he just heard some woman scream
orgasmically.

Up in outer space, the aliens flying in their space craft, share a
look and decide to do a U-turn. There's no way in hell they want to
return Fox Mulder if his partner is enjoying herself that much
without him.

Several minutes later, Scully, Doggett, and the Smoking Man are
redressing down in the basement office. Scully is completely wasted
and is a bit worried that she has lost her voice because she screamed
so damn loud. The Smoking Man tucks his shirt in and zips up his
pants.

"Until next week darling." He goes to Scully and kisses her on the
cheek.

"Err..." Scully isn't sure about that, why have an old sugar daddy when
she could easily seduce the young laddie? "Maybe you should talk to
your doctor, I'm worried that I'll give you a heartattack one day, I
wouldn't want you dying on... me..."

Doggett gives Scully a look, ew!

"Of course." The Smoking Man smiles, glad that Scully is concerned
for his health. "I'll do that. I guess goodbye until I see you again."

The Smoking Man leaves the office. Scully looks at Doggett.

"Guess I'm not as weak and innocent as you first thought, huh, agent
Doggett?"

"It's John."

"John."

They hold their gaze on each other, each contemplating taking the
other in their arms to kiss again. However, the sound of footsteps
coming down the hallway keeps them from giving into their passion.

Monica Reyes enters the room.

"Good afternoon you guys. How was your lunch break?" She smiles at
her partners.

"Good." Doggett replies, scratching the back of his neck.

"Very good." Scully says with a sly smile as she winks at Doggett.

Monica looks over at Doggett's desk. She cocks an eyebrow.

"Have a big lunch or something? Your desk has been cleared off."

"No, umm... actually agent Dana, I mean Scully saw a large roach and I
tried to kill it for her." Doggett tries to lie.

"Yeah, the thing reeked of cigarettes." Scully continues.

Monica isn't sure about this.

"A roach that smells like cigarettes? Like that old geezer I saw
walking down the hall on my way in?"

"Yeah, something like that." Says Doggett, about to laugh.

"Actually, John and I have to get together later tonight to discuss
the oddities of cigarette-smelling roaches." Says Scully as she turns
her back to Monica and licks her lips at Doggett.

"Oh, well count me out if you don't mind. I've got a date with umm...
someone I ran into... upstairs."

"Brad?" Doggett asks.

Monica's eyes go wide. How'd he know that?

"Let's just say I can tell by the look on your face, Monica." Doggett
winks at her and walks to stand next to Scully. "However I do find it
rather funny that you, Ms. Feelings and Intuition, are so oblivious
to the mystery of the roach."

"Huh? Roaches, basement office, Mulder used to be here a lot. I
assume some old food of his may have been lying around which
attracted the roaches."

"Well..." Scully begins, "there was something old and Muldery here
today. I don't think it was food though."

Doggett and Scully burst out laughing at that one. Monica doesn't get
it. As the laughter of Doggett and Scully continues, we end our
little tale of how John and Dana really hooked up in season eight of
The X-Files.

Fini