Title: “Internet Addiction”
Author: Kristi
Feedback: If you really think it deserves it 
(kristi@caffeine-sleep.com)
Archive: Addicted To Doggett, my sites! Anyone 
else, please ask.
Rating: PG – minor language
Website: http://teso-x.caffeine-sleep.com/
Spoilers: It’s a little late for that.
Category: Mulder/Krycek friendship, AU
Summary: Krycek has a problem and Mulder can’t 
handle it. They fight.
Disclaimer: I do not own Mulder and Krycek. They 
belong to Chris Carter,
Ten-Thirteen Productions and 20th Century FOX 
Broadcasting.
Date: August 29, 2003
Author’s Note: Ok, so I write in the dumb style 
of “Fox & Rat” Virtual Series… I can’t help it… 
in my dumb little mind, Mulder and Krycek live in
Mulder’s apartment… because that’s how it is in 
the series. If you don’t like, I don’t care! So 
HA! Anyway, this story is inspired by my dumb 
upstairs neighbors who had a fight this morning 
and the guy got locked out of his apartment. LOL 
He deserves it! And now on with the show.

The bright morning sunlight shines into the 
living room of Mulder’s small apartment. Mulder 
is sleeping peacefully on his couch. The annoying 
sound of keyboard clicking is heard. Mulder’s 
eyes pop open with irritation. He sits up faster 
than a rabbit. His eyes narrow into a glare at 
who is on the computer.

“ALEX!” Mulder screams.

Krycek jumps a bit in his seat and turns around 
to face Mulder.

“Stop it with the damn typing! You’ve been doing 
it all night!” Mulder scolds.

“So!” Krycek says back. “I’m on this message 
board and these people suck! So I’m bugging the 
hell out of them!”

“You mean you’re in the middle of a flame war?” 
Mulder says in shock of his Internet habits.

“Yeah.” Krycek responds. “I’ve been on since 
eleven o’clock last night.”

Mulder checks his watch.

“Alex Krycek! It’s nine o’clock in the frickin’ 
morning!” Mulder shouts.

“So!” Krycek says. “I can’t get off! I love to 
piss people off! These people are the stupidest 
I’ve ever seen on the Internet.”

Krycek looks back at the computer screen.

“I mean, I bring up the name ‘Ferrett’ from the 
TV show ‘The U-Files’ and these people ban me!” 
Krycek says, highly amused. “It’s frickin’ 
hilarious.  And they keep letting me back on. I 
just think they all think I’m damn sexy.”

“You’re on the Internet, they can’t see you.” 
Mulder says.

“So! My personality is that sexy.” Krycek 
responds.

“Whatever! I’m going to work!” Mulder says.

Mulder gets up off his couch and heads to the 
door to go to work. Krycek makes no attempt to 
move from his seat in front of the computer.

“63 times!” Krycek shouts happily and pumps his 
fists in the air to celebrate his sixty-third 
time being banned from the message board.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Meanwhile, Mulder struts his way into work. He’s 
worked up about Krycek being on that darn 
computer all the time. It seems to Mulder that 
Krycek doesn’t love him as much as he loves that 
darn message board. Mulder shuffles into the 
office.

Doggett is working hard at his computer.

“Please tell me you haven’t been on since eleven 
o’clock last night!” Mulder yells, getting 
worried that this Onternet addiction is getting 
to everyone.

“What?” Doggett asks, not sure what the hell 
Mulder is talking about.

Mulder plops down in the chair in front of 
Doggett’s desk.

“Oh, it’s just Alex and this whole Internet 
thing.” Mulder says, sounding rather glum.

“‘Whole Internet thing’?” Doggett asks.

“Yeah.” Mulder says.

“You do know that the Internet has been around 
for a long time, right? It’s not new.” Doggett 
says.

“I know. But Alex and I just got DSL put into our 
apartment and he won’t get off!” Mulder says. “He 
won’t eat. Won’t sleep. Won’t acknowledge me. 
It’s so heartbreaking to see him so obsessed and 
focused on this one message board he found just 
so he can get into flame wars. It’s like I’m not 
even there anymore.”

“You’re really this bothered by it?” Doggett 
says, not sure what to think of that.

“Yes!” Mulder snaps.

“Maybe you should talk to him when you get home 
tonight.” Doggett suggests.

“You know Agent Doggett, I think you’re right. I 
will!” Mulder says, hope finally restored.

+++++++++++++++++++++++

Hours later, Krycek types away at the computer. 
Mulder enters the apartment.  He’s determined to 
talk to his buddy about this whole computer 
issue.

“Alex, we need to talk.” Mulder states.

“Yeah, hold on.” Krycek says, not evening looking 
at Mulder. “I’m almost done.”

He types some more. Mulder sits on the couch to 
wait. Krycek lets out a laugh and continues to 
type again. Mulder lets out an irritated sigh.

“Alex…” Mulder says.

“Yeah, jus a second.” Krycek says, not paying 
much attention to him.

He continues to type away.

“Have you had anything to eat, Alex?” Mulder 
asks.

“Nah, don’t need it. I’m fine.” Krycek answers, 
still not looking at Mulder.

“Have you slept today?” Mulder asks.

“Nope. Been busy. Besides, who needs sleep cuz 
I’m never gonna get it. Just like the Bare Naked 
Ladies song.” Krycek says.

“You do know that they aren’t naked ladies 
right?” Mulder asks.

“No kidding Mulder, but when you search for naked 
ladies on the Internet…  some fun things come 
up!” Krycek lets out an evil laugh.

“Ok! I’ve had it up to hear with you!” Mulder 
shouts and holds his hand above his head. “I 
think you love that message board more than me!”

Krycek turns around.

“Oh please Mulder, I don’t love you!” Krycek 
says.

“No kidding! You spend too much time on that 
message board! You don’t eat.  Don’t sleep. What 
do ya do?!” Mulder yells.

“I don’t care what you think!”

“You have a problem!”

“Do not!” Krycek yells.

“Do too!” Mulder yells back.

“Do not!”

“Do too!”

“Not!”

“Too!”

“Shut up! You don’t know what you’re talking 
about!” Krycek yells.

“I do too!” Mulder yells back. “All this month I 
have slept hearing you type on that computer! I 
don’t like it! Look at you! You’re a mess! You 
don’t change your cloths! You smell!”

“I do not!” Krycek yells back in defense.

“You do too!” Mulder says. “I’ve had enough of 
you! I want you out!”

Krycek stands up quickly. He’s shocked that 
Mulder is throwing him out.

“You can’t do that!”

“Oh yes I can!” Mulder yells. “I’m on the lease! 
You’re not!”

Krycek stands there, he doesn’t know how to 
respond to that. Mulder is right.

“You won’t!” Krycek says.

“I will too.” Mulder threatens.

“We can work it out!” Krycek shouts.

“No! It’s too late!” Mulder yells. “Get out!”

Mulder goes up to Krycek and pulls him by his T-
shirt and drags him to the door and pushes him 
out. Mulder slams the door on Krycek.

“Hey! I’m your best friend!” Krycek yells at 
Mulder through the door.

Mulder doesn’t answer him. He goes over to the 
computer and unplugs it. He’s had enough of that 
damn machine. It’s sucking the brainpower right 
out of his friend. It’s not good. It’s evil! It 
must go!

Out of his mind, Mulder tosses his computer to 
the ground and it shatters. He goes to where his 
bedroom would be and digs through a mess and 
finds an old typewriter. He places the typewriter 
in the place where his computer use to be.

He sits down on his couch satisfied with what 
he’s done. He huffs and puffs trying to calm 
himself.

++++++++++++++++++++++

Meanwhile, Krycek walks the streets with nowhere 
else to go. It’s getting late out and clouds are 
covering the sky. It starts to rain on him. He 
looks up in defeat and heads back to Mulder’s 
apartment.

He enters Mulder’s hallway and walks up to 
apartment 42. He knocks three times.

“Who is it?” comes the voice of Mulder through 
the door.

“It’s me, Alex.” Krycek calmly says.

“NO!” Mulder shouts back.

“You can’t keep me out here!” Krycek yells.

“Yeah I can! And I will! Watch me!” Mulder says.

“I can’t watch you unless you open the door!” 
Krycek says.

“I’m not falling for that one. Now go away!”

Frustrated, Krycek leaves. He heads outside and 
looks up at the apartment windows. He spots the 
fire escape. A sly smiles forms on his face.

“He thinks he can keep me out. Ha! Watch this 
punk!” Krycek says.

He starts to make his way up the fire escape. He 
gets to the apartment window and tries to open 
it. It doesn’t open. Mulder comes over to the 
window and shakes his finger at him. He mouths 
off “shame, shame” to Krycek.

Pissed, Krycek hits the window. It doesn’t break, 
but that wasn’t his purpose.

Inside the apartment, Mulder sits down and 
watches TV. Krycek continues to try to get in. 
The rain outside continues to poor down on him. 
Krycek glares up at the sky, then at Mulder. Fed 
up, he leaves. Mulder cackles inside.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The next day, Mulder comes down the hallway of 
the basement office whistling “Good Morning” from 
the motion picture “Singing In The Rain”. Doggett 
exits the office and sees Mulder.

“Good morning, Mulder”. Doggett says.

“That’s what I’m whistling!” Mulder says with a 
chipper smile.

“I’m guessing you talked to Krycek?” Doggett 
asks.

“Yes sir-rie!” Mulder says happily. “I kicked him 
out! Then he tried to get in through the window. 
What a halfwit!”

Mulder skips into the office and happily takes a 
seat in front of his computer.

Moments later, the elevator dings open and Alex 
Krycek enters the office.

“Mulder, we need to talk.” Krycek says.

“Oh, now you want to talk… Uh-huh, I see how it 
goes.” Mulder says, snubbing him off.

“I’m serious.” Krycek says and takes seat in 
front of Mulder’s desk.

“Don’t you have some top secret above the 
government type things to do, like sell things in 
Africa that you aren’t suppose to?” Mulder says 
as he goes over to his x-files and digs out a 
random file.

“You can’t kick me out to live on the streets. 
It’s not what buddies do.” Krycek says.

“Yeah, well buddies don’t snub their other 
buddies off for a frickin’ computer.” Mulder 
says.

“I’m sorry, Mulder.” Krycek says. “It’s just… 
it’s just that I finally found a place where I 
can cause hell and not get in trouble for it.”

“You thought wrong!” Mulder says.

“I know because I pissed you off.” Krycek says. 
“And I’m very sorry, Mulder.  I just… got caught 
up in things. This whole Internet thing with DSL 
is so new and refreshing from that old dial-up we 
use to have. Ya know?”

“No. I don’t know! I pay attention to my 
friends!” Mulder says. He’s getting upset.

“I’m attending a twelve step program for Internet 
addiction. Its called I.A. – Internet Anonymous.” 
Krycek says.

“Good. Because you have a problem.”

“I know I have a problem. Admitting it is the 
first step.” Krycek says.

“I know.” Mulder says.

Mulder is finding it hard to be mad at his buddy. 
After all, Krycek is seeking help. Mulder glances 
over at him. Krycek keeps giving him a sweet 
look.

“Oh geez!” Mulder says happily and leaps at 
Krycek and gives him a hug. “I’m so glad we’re 
friends again!”

“Me too!” Krycek says. “Can you get off of me now 
before people start to wonder?”

“Oh, ok!” Mulder says, and quickly gives Krycek a 
kiss on the cheek.

“Oh god! Mulder! Yuk!” Krycek yells in disgust.

Mulder sits back down in his seat.

“So I can move in again?” Krycek asks.

“Yeah. I’m sorry I overreacted.” Mulder says.

“You saved me Mulder.” Krycek says with a smile.

Mulder smiles back.

“I’ve got to go to I.A. now. Don’t want to be 
late!” Krycek says.

“Yeah, they could not, would not want to wait!” 
Mulder says.

Krycek gives him a smile then leaves the office 
to help fix his Internet addiction.

THE END.